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I’ve moved my online efforts to a new domain: www.makethemostofthislife.com This site gives me a broader platform from which to speak. Life Purpose is one item in a broader discussion which takes place here. Please check it out and let me know what you think.
Thanks
Chris
There is a large mass of neurons in the visual cortex of the brain devoted to producing complicated responses to color. These neurons respond to what you see by sorting through the colors received by the eyes. But, if you show someone a blue apple, he/she may “see” the apple as red.
What is intriguing is that when scientists monitor the visual cortex it is actually the neurons associated with the color “red” that respond and send messages to the brain, even though the eye is seeing blue! After discoveries like this, scientists have concluded that neural structures are not only built to respond to what a person is seeing but also to what a person believes they should be seeing. The same is true with any human experience.
Success in its broadest meaning is not limited to only monetary and material possessions. It reveals as being plentiful in countless and several forms in life and nature.
The universal spirit of consciousness, craves to continuously manifest and express itself; this power likewise expresses its longing to demonstrate success, which is naturally wanting to develop, to grow and become bigger and stronger.
However, many realize this longing and natural inclination for growth repressed in them, because of negative thinking, unconstructive programming, and not having enough faith in their abilities and themselves.
Every individual has dual natures. One wants the self to move forward while the other feels like pulling back. The one nature that one concentrates and cultivates on determines what one is at the final end, as both natures tries to hold and to be in control.
One’s will resolves the issue alone. An individual by one utmost attempt of the will can change one’s whole vocation and accomplish miracles. Which is why having an open mind is very significant.
One having a closed mind grasps to a concept without much concern for evidence. They might have even reached at their concept without supporting material evidence. As a result, when one is presented with evidence that is contradicting to their concept, they immediately dismiss it.
Whereas one having an open mind before reaching any conclusion, considers first the many evidences approving or disapproving the many interpretations of the concept. They do not just gather information. Their concern encourages them to weigh what they have learned and work towards reaching a decision or conclusion based on facts and evidences.
An open mind allows one to magnetize opportunities and insist and continue on following opportunities, regardless of how small they appear. An open mind is open to all opportunities and possibilities, big or small.
A closed mind however, is stubborn, wanting what the mind envisions without any delay and wanting it as exactly as what the mind perceived it to be, not willing to accept or try something else in its place, when that which the mind has envisioned can not be accomplished or reached.
When one closes his mind and becomes stubborn, one in essence tells his higher self, including the ‘powers of the universe’ that one is not eager to mature and encounter new things, so then there will be no progress and no transformation and things in one’s life will never have a chance to improve.
Whatever the mind can envision, the mind can create. What the mind sees, believes feels and thinks are all conveyed to the subconscious mind that then works along with the universal forces and establishes your reality centered on the visualization of the conscious mind.
Bear in mind though, that it is not sufficient to merely imagine and hope it materializes. Having the power to imagine means also having the power and the capability to work on it to achieve it.
You can achieve it when you open up your mind to success and get rid of limiting thoughts. As to how restricted your life may be and what the circumstances present you at the moment does not really matter, because when you decide to change your attitudes and thoughts, and begin to think without notable limitations, your life’s direction will begin to change.
Focus on possibilities, rather than limitations and expand your thoughts to what is that you believe as yourself.
Here are guidelines on how to program your thoughts for success:
Thoughts hold great power. Be conscious of the thoughts that comes into your mind; let the positive in, never entertain the negative. Open up your mind to possibilities and never be afraid to try; if you fail, take it as an opportunity that you have learned so much from failing and try again.
Sing Your Song!
We Have A Purpose
There is something inside you that craves fulfillment-inside all of us. Most of us were not taught nor encouraged to pursue a career that was meaningful to us. When the time came, we were most often pushed to pick something that would earn a good income, that we could stand. Emphasis being put on the “earn a good income” part.
For guys, the pressure in that area might have even been a little steeper. We grew up in a culture that taught us that, on the whole, girls expect a guy who earns a good living, can pay for things. I know growing up in the south that was certainly my experience, and living in southern California now I can say it’s not much different out here. This is just a social role that’s been part of the fabric of our society for a long time now, though it is showing signs of subsiding a bit.
Some of us picked careers based on the “acceptable answer to the question” rule. When asked, as we so often are in this culture, “what do you do?” many of us felt compelled (by pure ego) to choose something that would proive a kick ass answer to that question. My dad did just such a thing and chose “helicopter pilot”. Some who were motivated by having such a socially acceptable/impressive answer chose lawyer, doctor, therapist, CEO, CFO, President, Vice President, etc.
Point being, we often picked careers, or kind of fell into them, based on choices that really didn’t have much to do with what was really meaningful to us, but more often based on external factors such as familial, societal, and ego related pressures.
Most Unhappy With Careers- Feel Unfulfilled
The result is a nation full of people who are largely unhappy with their careers, and which contributes to neurosis and crisis galore. We try pills, we try marriage, having kids, taking on side lovers, drinking and using drugs, and all manner of other distraction to try and find a way to deal with the monotony and lack of fulfillment in our lives. And for many of us, this true even despite being moderately to very successful in our respective jobs. We obtained those letters out next to our name, “PHD, MFA, MA, Lic..”.
We got that prestige we thought would make us fulfilled, and it didn’t work. “This is it?” many have thought. Others didn’t have to take it that far. They went far enough along the journey to see what was coming, or not coming; fulfillment, happiness. It was a dead end road.
For most, the fear of changing careers keeps them in place, blotting out their existence as best they can, trying to find fulfillment in creating a family, or buying stuff: cars, clothes, jewelry, trips; or by anesthetizing themselves with drinking, sex, prescription pills, and other drugs, but it only masks the problem. Meanwhile, the problem grows, and eventually the distractions hang around long enough to grow barnacles and become problems of their own.
The lucky ones hit a bottom. A divorce, they get fired, a health problem, financial ruin, a DUI, an intervention into treatment, …something shakes loose, and the house of cards comes falling down. These are the lucky ones, strange as that may sound.
The pain awakens them to a new reality. They get back to square one, the one before they chose their career and all that came since, and they start to ask the big questions, “Who am I? Why am I here? What is the point of it all?” And the very lucky ones, actually do something with the answers they find.
The rest stop looking, or upon finding the answers say “oh no, not that, that’s far too risky” and they run back to the old familiar, and we all know how that ends up. Just take a trip to your nearest old folks home and ask a few of the more unhappy ones what their biggest regrets are and you’ll see what I mean. They wish they’d taken more risks. They wish they’d said “I love you” more. They wish they’d left something behind of enduring value, real contribution…
RECESSION And Finding Purpose
As I write this, the economy has taken a sharp hit. Unemployment is way up. The government says we are in a recession. The media treats it as much more. As a result, everyone has bought in. People have stopped spending. Businesses are closing left and right, even big ones. And to me, its one of the best things that could have happened for millions of people (myself included), a true blessing in disguise. If you listen closely, you can hear the faint “clank” of golden handcuffs hitting the streets in your neighborhood, in every neighborhood. People are hitting the wall. The gig is up. The bottom is here. And you may be one of them. I was myself..
But behind the scenes, the story you won’t hear on nightly news tonight, is what is happening, subtly, for many. It’s a liberation. The unemployment is creating a space, creating a new vantage point.
Millions of people, for the first time in their lives, are living life in an invigorating new way. They are seeing their kids off to school. They are having lunch with a friend. They are enjoying some quiet time alone, just being. There is a new space in their life. It’s their first taste of freedom. And though there is a fear in the background that keeps them from being able to fully enjoy it, they can’t deny, on a very real level, they are enjoying the freedom.
They realize for the first time how much they really hated their work, and they wish that there was some way they could figure out how to just be self employed, and do something they really like to do. But how? But what? Maybe you are one of those people, meandering your way across the web in search of answers to questions like “what is my purpose?” or “courage to change careers” or any number of related searches that might have brought you to this moment.
Speaking of Google, many people will jump on Google and try to find something on “making money on the internet”, or maybe real estate investing, or they see an infomercial on making millions on Ebay, or they go to a seminar for a multi-level marketing thing. And maybe they see some good stuff, maybe some stuff they think they could do. Some will even spend some money ordering products, but the fear gets the better of them. The products sit on the shelf. “Bah, who am I kidding”, they say to themselves.
Others will consider going back to school, go in a new direction they think they might enjoy more. But the tell themselves, “bah, I’m too old to start anew in college”. “I’d be ____ years old by the time I got out. And how would I pay for it? I’m already in debt up to my ears, I can’t afford to take on a bunch of financial aid”.
They feel trapped. They don’t want to go back to an unfulfilling job they dislike, in an environment they dislike, with people they dislike. But yet, they are too afraid to strike out in any new direction. Many suffer from analysis paralysis, coming up with several ideas but being unable to move on one. They stay stuck.
If they could just figure out the RIGHT choice, they think to themselves, then they would be able to move on one. They seek clarity and direction. They feel lost. And without some help, many will start the cycle over. Except now, taking a job that perhaps pays even less than the one before. Same unfulfillment, new low price.
My Experience And “The Big Question”
As I went through this process myself, it was extremely frustrating. I spent many nights with eyeballs on the ceiling. I started reading books about “finding your purpose”. Old books, new books, religious and secular.
The place I got to with all of it was a primary question. It was “what is your unique contribution?” Through all my reading, writing, and sleepless nights of self discovery it became clear to me that in order to live a truly fulfilled life, I had something inside me, some set of skills, gifts, and talents that lend themselves to a unique ability to do…something. But what was it?
The answer was elusive for me. I recognized I was good at a lot of things. I liked to speak in groups, I liked to write, I liked business, I was good with words, I was good at marketing, and I hated too much math. “Teacher” “Lawyer” “Advertising” “Actor” “Sales” “Marketing Director” “Brand Manager” “Psychotherapist” “Book Writer” “Screen Writer” “TV Writer” “TV Show Host” “Documentary maker”… the list goes on…
BAFFLED. Confused. Constricted. Frozen. Non of them quite seem to fit. What the hell was I supposed to do!!?? I prayed, I meditated, I took long walks in the woods, I drank, I exercised, I read books, I journaled. Still nothing. I was like a broken record. And broken is exactly how I felt.
I was praying sincerely that God might reveal to me his perfect will. Why was my prayer not being answered? Must I meet with complete desolation before the answer would become clear? Would it even become clear then? I was panicked. I was full of fear. And this just created a negative feedback loop. I had to break the cycle, break free from this madness. I decided it was time for a change. What I knew for sure was that I was not happy living in the town I was in anymore.
I sought to reinvent myself, but too many people had a certain label on me. They expected me to be what I had always been. Ultimately (after months of toiling), I felt led to leave in order to create the space necessary to allow the new to come forth.
And I had long been desiring a larger city, as I was young and tired of the small city life, and wanted a place with more opportunities where I felt I could explore and grow into a larger potential. A long story short, after a lot of deliberation (probably more than was necessary, but I had to work through the fear) I moved to LA.
I got back to the original question, “what is my unique contribution?”. I believe we all have a unique contribution to make here, and that wants to be made. I believe that God, the Universal All, Source, Consciousness, Higher Power, or whatever you choose to call it, I believe it exists and it desires to find its expression through us, in our own unique and individual ways.
After giving myself this space to explore and really ask that question, “what is my unique contribution?”, I got to the answer. I believe my contribution is to use my unique set of skills, gifts, and interests to create inspiring, educational communications that help people awaken to their ability to create lives they love to live, and which give them practical help with doing so. I now work diligently, and joyfully, in allowing that contribution to come through me.
Now there is a lot that goes into that. I have had to do a lot of work to condition my mind to transform fear to faith, and this requires moment to moment management of my thoughts, which has taken some time to learn and implement, and which I continue to work on daily. I had to become the architect of my thought life, pruning out fear and negativity, creating a space of no thought, just presence, and learning how to then implant the empowering thoughts necessary to bring about the life I want. This is the nuts and bolts of how to go from fear to faith and something I will expound on more soon, so bookmark this page and get on my email list to get that when it comes out. Until then, be well.
Chris Connell
One of my favorite songs right now and goes with the theme of this blog. Enjoy.
CHECK THIS OUT: Its a reading from a book written by William Walker, who is basically the Father of the Law of Attraction. This reading is from his book called “Thought Vibration”. This is from Chapter II where he elaborates on the science of how our thought waves travel and line up with what they are tuned to. He uses many great examples that help that average Joe understand it.
WARNING: There is a weird visual going on with an old pic of the author and they’ve animated it so that is like he is talking. Kinda weird and cheesy, but try to ignore the weirdness of the visual and listen to what he’s saying. (I played it in the background while i watched something else.) But the content is SOLID. You’ll get a lot out of it if you take the time to listen.
Sooo, you’re considering a career change.
Well, either way, you’re in a good place. I mean, not just the fact that you’re here listening to me, that too, but I mean you’re in a good place in your life.
I’ll try to help put things in perspective a bit:
In The Beginning…
About 14 billion years ago out of nothing, in a flash, the whole universe erupted into existence. I mean literally in a flash. For those of you who don’t watch discovery channel, it basically started with a big bang. We don’t know what caused it, we’re still workin on that one. But what we know fo sho, is that at one moment there was nothing, just pure potential, no minerals no rocks no nothing…but energy. And the next moment, BLAM! In like a nanosecond everything flew out of this one spot and just exploded into being. Pure craziness.
Stuff floated around and banged into each other for about the next 8 billion years. Literally, it banged into each other. And that banging into each other, due to the weirdness of gravity in space, caused stuff that banged together to partially stick together. And the leftover particles from the collisions just kind of floated around where the collision occured. Anyway, stuff turned into planets and moons and stars and such. Billions of them…
And in one little corner of the universe, about 6 billion years ago, Earth was formed by one such event. A star exploded (called a supernova). The left-overs scattered. At the site the leftover star was burning bright and hot. Its our sun. And some of the bigger chunks that hung around got pulled in by gravity and started rotating around the sun and our galaxy was formed. We call it the Milky Way. In actuality, it is one of millions of galaxies throughout the universe, which keeps growing…
Earth
So this third rock from the sun was Earth. Oh, and remember those chunks of aftermath from the supernova explosion (which made our sun) that hung around and became the planets in our galaxy? Yea, well, some of the small chunks that were near the planets got pulled into their gravitational pull and started rotating around those plants. Those are moons. So you got the big rocks, planets, rotating around the sun, and then you got some slightly smaller rocks rotating around the planets, and these are called moons.
Earth was originally a big ball of hotness. Meteors and stuff kept running into it, as they did all planets and moons and such. But strangely, those collisions brought minerals and elements of different kinds. Those shooting rocks blasting into Earth actually brought us the core building blocks that made life possible, like water… Earth was a big ball of hotness, but it got pelted by some meteors that were big frozen balls of ice. Ice running into hotness gives you…yep, water.
Earth eventually cooled down as a result. The vapor rising from the melted meteors sent condensation into the atmosphere and caused…rain. A lot of rain. And so oceans were born and continue to cover over 70% of the Earth’s surface today.
Meanwhile, the moon settled into a groove, just doing its thing rotating around the earth, and Earth settled into its thing rotating around the sun.
What Are The Odds?
So here’s something to consider. If this rock we’re on had ended up settling into an orbit just 1 degree closer to the sun, life would not be possible here. Our water would boil and evaporate and we’d look like mars…scorched, barren rock.
And if we were 1 degree further away, we’d be a frozen planet.
And then there’s the moon. Truth is, were as dependent on the moon for our existence as we are the sun. Its our proximity to the moon that gives us our own brand of gravity here on earth, gravity which allows certain physics to be possible which allow for life as we know it, including keeping us planted on the ground and not floating away…
And how about this: if just the right rocks, carrying the right minerals and stuff had not crashed into earth, life as we know it would not have been possible.
I mean people, what are the odds of this?? What are the odds of one rock ending up just close enough (and far enough away) from its sun, having a moon that is JUST close enough to create our gravity, that just the right rocks hit ours and brought the building blocks of life necessary for life to emerge and just the right rocks brought ice, and we just happen to have a HOT planet at that time so that ice evaporated and caused rain which made the water. I mean, those same types of meteors hit a lukewarm planet and its like, so what? But ours happen to be in just such a place in its existence where it could do something with that.
And on and on. I mean, really, I’m no bible thumper here, I’m no mystic guru, but when you look at just this part of the story of how we came to be, never mind how we all evolved from single celled organisms that started to grow in the water. I mean, that’s a whole nother mind blowing miracle of a story there. But just looking at the incredible 1 in a trillion chance that this went down the way it did. It’s really almost impossible. Certainly it’s EXTREMELY improbable. Yet, here we are…
I tell ya, for me, its just too perfect. And this is one thing that just reinforces my belief in a Universal Power that set all this in motion.
But it gets better…
The Nature Of Things
So check this out. Take a piece of the seat you are sitting on, then take a piece of the table near bye, then a piece of your skin, then a piece of glass, then a piece of one of those rocks from outer space and put all these pieces side by side under the most powerful microscope available and guess what you’ll find…it all looks the same!
Everything in the universe, it turns out, observed under the most powerful microscopes we have available so far all looks exactly the same. And what does it look like? Energy!!
Its all vibrating particles of energy. It turns out that the speed and frequency at which the energy is vibrating determines what type of thing it is.
And here is where it gets even weirder. Quantum Physics has now shown us that at a level below that, through some invisible force, everything is “entangled”. Let me say that again. It turns out, everything is connected through some invisible web of entanglement. Not just everyone, that is true as well, but EVERYTHING! Through some invisible web of energy, we are connected to everyone and everything. Don’t believe me? Good, go check it out for yourself. Rent “What the Bleep Do We Know” on DVD and/or check out this special done by NOVA on PBS about it http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/elegant/. Its free to watch online (I did).
So one of the things we now know for sure is that none of this, our reality, is real in the way we think it is. A major discovery that has come out of the last decade has been the observer/object relationship.
We now know that we are basically living a big pool of energy potential. That energy potential is turned into stuff as we put our minds on it. Yep, I’m not even kidding. Check it out for yourself. (Elaborated on in the videos above as well).
We now know with scientific certainty that what we think about and how we think about is THE single biggest component to what shows up in our reality. We are LITERALLY creating our reality, and we are doing it with our minds and our belief (our faith in what we choose to believe is true).
Religion
I know, its strange stuff. But, actually, some of our more enlightened minds along the way have figured this out. Among them, Jesus of Nazareth. This guy got it. Buddha, Tao, and some others have as well, but Jesus was clickin on whole nother level. And he was trying to explain it, that we get to create our own reality, and he tried to teach us how to do it, then he tried to show us, “look man, you do it like this” and then he healed a blind dude or made a bunch of bread out of single loaf or some such thing. And the followers were like, “whoa, holy cow, you must be God”. And he was like “yea, I’m God, and so are you”. “We’re all swimming in a big pool of God.” “You can do all these things AND MORE, now chill with the God stuff, you’re gonna get me killed…”. But they didn’t get it. He wound up being misquoted and misinterpreted all over the place. A guy who was trying to point out that religion was not necessary, and was in no way for making one around himself, wound up being the center of religion and worshiped as God.
The Bottom Line
What Jesus was pointing to, and all the ancient sage’s have been trying to say, is this same conclusion that science is now finally catching up with:
1. There is a Universal Intelligence
2. It set this whole thing in motion
3. We are always connected to it, each other, and every thing
4. We are here for a reason
a. It wants us to wake up the fact that we are one with it (awakening)
b. It wants us to know that we are one with everything in the universe
c. It wants to find its expression through each us, in our own unique way
5. It wants us to experience goodness, that it might experience goodness with us
6. There are certain laws to the universe which govern it, and one is Spirit
7. The Law of Spirit is basically that we create our reality, our lives, primarily through our thought life, and our faith (that which we believe to be).
This last part is the bulk of what I enjoy learning and teaching about. That relationship between our thoughts and what shows up in our life. The way our thoughts move out across this invisible web of entanglement and affect what we put our mind on. Every self help, positive thinking “Personal Development” guru out there teaches about this stuff. But what few ever do, is actually talk about the fact that this is actually a spiritual conversation. In order to create a life we love to live, I believe we have to get lined up with our “unique contribution”, with that thing that wants to come through us into this world. To do that, I believe, is a spiritual task. And positive thinking itself I believe to be the nuts and bolts of faith.
Having the proper perspective, getting lined up with one’s purpose, coupled with the know how of using your thought life to get connected, get present, and then how to effectively plant seeds in your mind of what you want to create and nurture those seeds through the science of faith; I believe this is the combination for creating an amazing existence, a fulfilled life.
If you listen closely you can almost hear it-the clank of the “golden handcuffs” hitting the ground.
What are the “golden handcuffs”? They are that thing that keeps people from leaving a job they really aren’t fulfilled by, but which makes them too much money for them to walk away. Thus, they are in “golden handcuffs”.
Study after study shows that American’s are unhappy with their careers, which contributes to their feeling unhappy and unfulfilled with their lives. And why not? Truth is, most of us chose a career based on how much money we could make. No one really ever told us otherwise.
Now, things are beginning to change, rapidly so. People are starting to figure out that if the end game is “happiness and fulfillment”, that their current career strategy (or life strategy for that matter) has fallen short of the mark; far short in many cases.
So, we American’s have plodded along as best we can, trying to anesthetize the lack of fulfillment in whatever way we can. So then it makes sense when we hear that we are both the wealthiest people in the world, and also the fattest and consume the most drugs…by far. These are just a couple of indicators. The drugs for “depression” and “bi-polar” and “A-D-D” are not entered into the stats of illegal drug use, but they are more often a stab at the same goal, to numb the unhappiness and lack of fulfillment. Our divorce rate is a pointer as well…
But hey, when you’re driving a sweet ride home (at 7pm) to a sweet house with great furniture, and a closet full of clothes, and a stainless steel fridge stocked with good food, and a family with expectations of a certain lifestyle, and the Joneses next door peaking over the fence, well hey, its enough to keep a person plodding along for quite some time…until something happens.
Right now, in this moment, that something is happening for millions of Americans. A lot of jobs have been cut in this economic place we are in. And though it seems like doom and gloom, I actually feel it’s the best thing that could have happened for a lot of folks. Present company included.
Truth is, many of these folks were miserable. These lives they’d built up were self imposed prisons of unfulfillment. And though the burn of the fear of financial insecurity is hard to bear for some, it forces one to start looking at life in a new way, asking some gut level questions. It provides a space; a time for looking at what’s really important, and what one really wants their life to be about.
Hit your favorite local retirement home and go around and ask some of those wonderful folks what their top 3 regrets are. Studies show that you’ll find a theme.
I believe that contribution is why we’re here. We each have a unique song to sing, flower to blossom, masterpiece to create. Wayne Dyer says “don’t die with your masterpiece still in you”. I like agree with that. For some of us that may be the next Google, for others it could be something they make with their hands that brings joy to people, others still may have a book, or a screenplay, or some sort of business venture.
There is a force at work here, something we can’t seem to shake no matter how much money we make doing something else, a feeling that nags at us and just won’t go away. This force is the Creative Spirit that is in all of nature, compelling it push forth and bloom, sing its unique song. Its how the planet moves forward. Its how societies and cultures move forward. Its as natural as the seasons. We are compelled to create, or be doomed to a life unfulfilled. That is our choice. Bloom, or wither and die.
If you are one of those folks who have found themselves unemployed and seeking direction, then I say to you “Praise God” (or insert your higher power term of choice here). What a scary, but wonderful place to be. Take this opportunity, this blessing, and use it as way to get lined up with what you really feel like you are here to do.
And if you don’t know what that is, start searching for it. The answer is inside you, wanting to come forth. Just a little goading and it will spring forward, and will change your life forever, and help you to create a new life that you really love to live.
And for those of you who already know what it is, get into action! This is your time! Make the move. Starting following your bliss. There is no “stuff” that money can buy you that will make that feeling go away. It is your destiny. And conversely, there is no amount of money that could buy you the unbelievable, crazy awesome feeling of doing what you absolutely LOVE to do, and which you feel is blessing people in some way. Its your song to sing. Sing it! And live the life you were meant to live.
If you need some help, drop me a line and I’ll try and point you in the right direction. Until next time, Live a life you love!
Chris Connell
Our mind is our most powerful tool for creating our world. Literally.
Our lives are little more than the manifestation of the thoughts we carry around on a daily basis. And though we sort of just innately know this, up to this point in our growth as a culture, little emphasis has been given to the HOW of managing these thoughts (much more on that in a moment).
Recently, books like “A New Earth” and “The Secret” have made their way to the mainstream, and with them has come the underpinnings of a thought revolution. We are beginning to see that managing our thought life isn’t reserved for the “positive thinking” self help, new age genre. We are now starting to understand that managing our thought life as the primary mechanism for creating the life we desire is exactly what Jesus, and many before him, have been teaching all along. Turns out managing our thought life isn’t just fru fru personal development crap, it’s actually the nuts and bolts of “faith”.
To begin to be the architect of your thought life you first need to remove the garbage. Jesus said “the eyes are the windows to the soul”. We know that what we watch has an affect on the thoughts we carry, and not just in the moment we are seeing and hearing this stuff, but long after. What we see and hear plants seeds in our mind that shape the way we see ourselves, others, and how we believe the world works.
So, we need to first remove the stuff that is disempowering, the stuff planting seeds of crap that we don’t want to grow. Fear, lack, disease, poverty, scarcity, loneliness..
Communications Audit
When I first started to become aware of how powerful my thought life was in creating my world, I did a bit of a communications audit on my life. I started to ask myself the question, “does what I am watching, reading, or listening to empower me? Or does it somehow propagate thoughts of lack, ego, greed, scarcity, or any other disempowering thoughts?”
As I started to pay more attention, I started to notice how much of what I was subjecting myself to, voluntarily, was planting seeds that I was not interested in growing into my life. As my awareness grew, I began to prune these sources of disempowering communications from my life. I let go of shows, I let go of songs, I let go of movies, I let go almost completely of mainstream news. I also let go of people that were disempowering. Doubters, cynics, complainers. I was no longer willing to allow these sources to have a place in my thought life. So, step 1-Remove those communications sources from your life that plant disempowering thoughts.
Step 2- Create A Space of No Thought
So our first step was to get the garbage out of our feedback loop. Next up, is getting still and getting present. I think Eckhard Tolle has done the best job recently through “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth” of explaining this concept of getting in touch with your true essence, or God, through quieting the mind; creating a space of no thought, just being. Much like meditation, this allows us to create a gap in the incessant stream of thoughts, which is often a negative feedback loop for most of us, and begin to just feel our connection to our source, the great source of all, calming and quiting the mind, and turning it inward.
Creating this space to me is kind of like the purpose of that ginger served with sushi. Its meant to clean the palette between different types of sushi, so you can create a space to fully experience the new type your eating next. Getting present is kind of like that to me. You get the garbage out, you get tuned into source, your inner essence, and now there is a space for creating new thoughts.
Step 3-Brainwashing Yourself
Jesus said “call things that are not as thought they were”. He said that same thing in many different ways, about faith and about using your mind to create a new reality that you might experience heaven on earth. And he is not alone. The ancient sages of every religious tradition said the same thing, in dozens of different ways. The thoughts that we carry literally create our lives. They are the most powerful tool we have in creating the lives we desire, and a “tool” is exactly what they are. The most appropriate use of our “will” is using it to manage our thoughts.
Think about it. When someone cuts us off in traffic and we either get angry or we send them peace and blessings and just choose to let it go. What is the difference here? It is a difference of our thoughts.
When someone at work tries to take credit for something we have largely done and we either become bitter and resentful, or we love them through it. What makes the difference between the two courses? It is our decision about the thoughts we choose to have about the situation.
So this business of managing our thought life is not just about sitting in a quiet room meditating, thinking thoughts of the big house, the big car, the stack of cash. That activity does have its place. But managing our thought life is also a moment to moment activity. We learn to be conscious of our thoughts throughout the day, not just in morning meditation or something. And throughout the day, we begin to consciously choose our thoughts.
For instance, throughout the day I am thinking thoughts of gratitude. I see beauty in a simple flower growing on the side of the road, and I say “thank you” with my thoughts in that moment. I see a child holding her mother’s hand, the two of them enjoying one another’s company and I say “thank you”.
I am thinking thoughts of love. I am served by a disgruntled employee at the check-out counter. Initially my thoughts go to “how dare they”, and I recognize that thought, andI discard it. I smile compassionately, I let love flow through my eyes, and I silently send them thoughts of love and compassion and I peacefully move on.
A person steps out into traffic. The signal is obviously in my favor. My first thought is “what an idiot”. My next thought is, “love”. I try to sense the invisible connection between us, and through that connection, I send thoughts of love and compassion.
I see a couple holding hands in the promenade and my first thought is “Poor me, I’d like to be kissing and holding hands with someone” and my next thought, with a smile on my face, is of my mate and us holding hands, kissing under the moonlight, how comfortable, affectionate, and grateful we are toward each other. And I say to myself, “thank you for her God”. And I send a silent blessing of love and gratitude toward the couple I witnessed and I walk along smiling.
I could go on all day. What I am describing is the, in the moment, nuts and bolts, difference between creating a life I love to live and being unhappy and unfulfilled. This is what it looks like. Its these choices of thought, in these moments, throughout our day that create a new earth for us, a life we love to live.
Lastly, I use tools to help me with carrying the thoughts of the life I desire.
1. I have mind movie I created with the tool at www.mindmovie.com. It’s a video I created that has my statements of faith and affirmation for what I stand to create in my life, followed by pictures accompanying each statement that portray the enjoying of what I am affirming for that statement. For example, I say “I am financially free” and I have a couple of pictures that remind me of financial freedom. The slides go by, a little motion with each, so that the slides start out a little further away then move toward me. All of this is set to a song about “this amazing day”. The end result is that I am watching a movie about the life I intend to create, am creating, but I speak in first person so that the tone is such that “thank you that I have this life today”. Speaking things that are not as though they were..
2. I also have an audio of myself speaking about the life that I desire. In both writing the affirmations for the mind movie and in the audio, its me talking about the life that I want to create for myself, in vivid detail, and in first person, as though its true right now. The tone is “thank you god for my amazing life. I have an amazing career. I create inspiring communications that help people create lives they love to live. I work for myself and I love it. I have an amazing house. It looks like this. It is in Santa Monica. It has an island in the kitchen and dual shower heads. Etc Etc. Specific, detailed, and as if I have them right now.
3. I have a background on my computer that reminds of something I desire for my life. Right now it’s a 2008 Range Rover.
4. On my cell phone background I rotate images from my mind movie.
5. My cell phone ring tone is the same song I use in my mind movie.
6. I put little sticky notes in my car near the instrument panel with little statements of faith about what I am creating in my life.
7. I am about to buy a digital picture frame and put it in the living room and have it rotate with pictures from my mind movie along with those of loved ones.
8. On the mirror in my bathroom for the past year has been a sticky note with the words “that which I desire, which is aligned with spirit, is on its way…no worries”. I see it several times a day. ( I drink a lot of water : \ )
9. I primarily just watch movies and shows that educate and inspire me. (which did include Star Trek and Transformers 2 this summer 
No horror flicks. No stuff about murder, real or simulated. No brain dead stoner stuff.
10. I primarily listen to music with a good message. No, not just Christian rock (though some of that is pretty good). I mean just in general. Positive, upbeat stuff. And occasionally some Lil Wayne/LL Cool J type stuff when I’m workin out. Hey, its about moderation right?
These are just some examples. I’ll elaborate more on my stuff in future articles. But if you think about it, you can come up with other ways of brainwashing yourself, implanting empowering thoughts that help you maintain perspective and arm you with readily available thoughts to think throughout the day. Now, get to work. Write about the life you want (see this post I wrote for help on that http://www.followmypurpose.com/123/getting-what-you-want-your-perfect-day/ ) Then get to work writing some affirmations, creating a mind movie, and using some of these other means of becoming the architect of your thought life. I believe it’s the most important endeavor you can undertake in your life. Don’t wait. You already have enough information. Start now.
Brainwashing is typically looked at as a negative thing. At the same time, we sort of innately know (plus we have science to prove) that our lives consist of what we think about all day. So, truth is, we are sort of brainwashing ourselves anyway. It’s just a matter of how conscious we are about the fact that we are doing it. And based on the state of people’s happiness and fulfillment, on average, it seems we need to start washing our brain with some new material if we want to live fulfilled, meaningful, exciting lives that we love. As statistics of divorce, satisfaction with jobs, health, and polls on overall happiness tell us that as a people, we are not where we want to be. And add to that the fact that now we’re broke! The nation is hurting.
The good news is, we can pull ourselves out of this. We have the power to create the awesome life that we feel inspired to live, and it’s not even that hard. The funny thing is, I believe what I am talking about here is going to be common knowledge in the next 25 years and taking a more active role in how we brainwash ourselves is going to be just a common, widely practiced part of living a healthy life..
That is looking forward a bit, but lets turn the clock backward now. Twenty five years ago a woman sat in the drivers seat of a big brown grocery getter, a cigarette dangling from her lips, smoke pouring from it into the air, the station wagon full of blue-grey smoke, a baby in her lap, a litter of kids in the seats behind her jumping around without seat belts. At the time, we see this and don’t think a thing of it. Normal behavior, and fully acceptable.
Today smoking in the car with kids is looked at as ridiculously selfish and horrible. “Who does that?” we might think to ourselves witnessing the same scene today. We also know better than to put babies in our laps and to put all passengers in safety belts, especially kids. I think there’s even a law about it. But not long ago, we didn’t know any better. We did what everyone else did until new information came to light. And even then it took until a critical mass of people started changing their behavior before it really caught on and the new behavior became a mainstream accepted part of life.
We’ve seen this time and again in the evolution of our culture, haven’t we? Remember when no one wore seatbelts? How about our food intake? Remember when we didn’t know anything about cholesterol? We just ate fried food and starches washed down with sweet tea or soda for every meal. Heat disease became the number one killer of Americans. And with that one, we’re still in that in between place where we have the new information but we’re still trying to reach critical mass (pardon the pun), but the latest stats show we are now making progress. With oil, we’re at the beginning of the cycle. The information has been out there a long time, but its just now makings its way to forefront (as always, due to pain. Always helps awaken people) One day we’ll ask, “remember when all our cars were fueled with only oil from gasoline?”.
I believe one day soon the same will be true with our thought intake. I believe that, similar to the oil example, we are on the front end of a large scale, pop culture awakening to the fact that our thoughts create our lives (and consequently, our world). Also due to pain. People are not happy with their lives, particularly in America, despite having achieved degrees of success and having things.
This is not a new idea. Heck the Bible spoke of this concept of our thoughts creating our worlds in a number of different ways many times throughout, including one of the more famous scriptures around this idea, “the eyes are the window to the soul.” And Christianity was not the first to put forth this idea. This idea has been put forth in ancient teachings by sages from every religion across the world since the dawn of man. We innately know that we are strongly affected by the thoughts that we carry, and that we create our worlds in large part through those thoughts.
What is interesting is that despite that knowledge, very little emphasis is yet given to being the architect of those thoughts. It reminds me of that time in our culture I spoke of earlier, when we sort of innately felt that smoking around our kids was probably not good for them, but it was sort of still just accepted. No groundbreaking discoveries were being put forth that were making people just up and change their behavior, and everyone else was doing it, so it was just kind of swept under the rug and gone along with.
Similarly, we kind of know that our thoughts create our lives, our worlds, but putting energy into actually controlling those thoughts isn’t something that’s widely done, so we just continue to kind of live with that knowledge and don’t do a whole lot with it. We watch tv programs 6 hours a day filled with disempowering ideas, including dozens of simulated (and some real) murders each week. Shows that promote ego, violence, greed, and all kinds of other ideas that are not serving us in creating a thought life that helps us manifest fulfilling, exiting lives we love to live.
And not only do we allow disempowering thought generating content into our brain, we do nothing to actually manufacture positive content. Its just not done. We’re not at that place yet. So what ends up happening is we are allowing ourselves to be brainwashed by default, and these disempowering thoughts are playing a huge part in helping us stay stuck in unfulfilled lives. I am committed to doing my part to help change that, to help usher in a new era where people are more aware of what we’ere talking about here, that their thoughts control the creating of their worlds, and that they can actually create new lives through more consciously being the architect of their thought life.
Just as in learning more about avoiding health issues and heart disease we learned we have to start cutting out the stuff that is disempowering, unhealthy for us, and putting in more foods that give us power, and help us feel good, we must learn to do the same with our thought life. We start with cutting out the unhealthy influences; the shows that aren’t good for our thought life, the murder shows, the greed shows, etc. We do the same with our music. We cut out the stuff that promotes unhealthy, disempowering thoughts.
A word here: Of course we LIKE the negative content. Heck, it’s entertaining. Same with the food. Of course we LIKE fried chicken and cheesecake. They taste good. And I enjoy stuff like this from time to time myself; probly once a week. But I don’t live off the stuff! It would ultimately make me feel like crap, and look like crap, which would make me feel even more like crap! So the point I’m making is that I’m not at all saying we should give completely and totally give up songs, shows, or anything that might be just mindless entertainment, kind of cheesecake for the head. All I’m saying is that to start creating a life we enjoy more, we have to feed our head with more empowering stuff than not.
Learning to take control of our thought life is the entry way to a new, happier, healthier, more fulfilling life for ourselves. Cutting out the negative and finding ways to insert more positive thoughts is where it begins, and in the next post I’ll describe some secret ways I’ve uncovered in my studies over the years for helping create a thought a life that helps me create an amazing life and keep myself positive even when things don’t go as planned. Until then, be well.
Chris Connell
Unveiling...
Several years ago I was torn. I was going through a period where I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but I knew it wasn’t the life that I had. I was unhappy in my work. My love life wasn’t what I wanted it to be (as I was single). And there were more experiences, and even toys that I wanted in my life. But I wasn’t sure exactly what to do about all that.
I took a pad and paper and went to my favorite spot in Tallahassee, Lake Ella. I found a quiet place to sit and write, and I just started writing. I wrote down exactly what I wanted to have as a life. I wrote the kind of work I’d like to be doing, that I’d have a college degree, that I’d have a great relationship, that I’d have a wave runner, that I’d own a house, that I’d be self employed, on and on. I did this for about 3 pages. Then I visualized what it would be like to have each of those experiences, and tried to let myself actually feel the feelings that came with the visualizations. I put that pen and pad away and forgot about it, and went on living my life.
Several years later I was cleaning out an old keepsake chest of mine and came across some of my journals. Flipping through one of them, I came across that old “What I want” writing. As I read it, I was awestruck. I’d accomplished nearly everything I wrote on those pages, including getting a degree (and I wasn’t even in school when I wrote that), becoming self-employed, getting a wave runner, etc, etc. It was an amazing experience to sit there and hold those pages in my hand.
Since then I recently came across a speaker, Frank Kern, talking about the same thing. As suggested by a mentor/friend of his, he’d written out “My Ideal Day” and he went on to explain how he did it. After hearing him explain it, I immediately took an hour and did the same. I knew from my previous experience that this stuff worked, even when stumbling into it by accident, so it just made sense that it could be even more effective if I actually made it a conscious effort, and applied some techniques that I was learning were most effective. Truth be told, I can already see it working in my life. Its only been a few months, but synchronistic things that are hard to explain have already happened, and I know it is because I have gotten more clear on my vision of what I want.
The exercise is as follows: Write down what your typical perfect day would be like. If you had to live a single day over and over and be perfectly content with it, what would it look like? And make sure as you answer write this out in first person, as if you are doing it now. Here are some of the questions. And be as specific as possible in the answers:
Where would you live?
What would house look like?
What would it smell like?
What would you do in the morning?
What would you have for breakfast?
What would you be thinking about?
Where would you spend the first half of the day?
What would you have for lunch?
Who would you eat with?
What would your friends be like?
What would you do for personal fulfillment?
What life purpose would you strive towards?
What would your business be?
What time would you start work?
What would you actually do at work?
What are your clients like?
What is relationship like with spouse? Family?
What would you do for family time?
Where would you eat?
Who would you eat with?
What would you talk about?
Who would you do it with?
What time would you go to bed?
What would that look like?
What would you think about when you go to bed?
Who would you be next to (if anyone)?
Doing this exercise works. Plain and simple. It works even faster and more powerfully if you can also make a “vision board” where you crop some pictures and put them up on a collage of sorts that helps you keep aspects of this vision in mind. I use my desktop, and I also have a “mind movie” with affirmations and accompanying pictures that play like a movie, set to an upbeat song about gratitude. It helps me keep visualizing and feeling the accompanying feelings related to what it will be like to have these experiences that I desire.
I also have a reminder on my bathroom mirror that says “that which I desire, which is aligned with spirit, is on its way…no worries”.
I’ll elaborate more on the “mind movie” and affirmations and techniques for using them, but for now the Perfect Day exercise is sufficient, and very powerful. And I actually found it to be fun. Give it a try and see if you don’t plant some seeds in your subconscious that start to materialize in your life.
I’ve been busy getting settled in here to LA again, the latest personal example of pushing my own boundaries. You see, I am much more afraid of living a stagnant, unfulfilled life than I am of becoming broke or even dyeing. I mean, after all, what are we here for? To try and blot out a tolerable existence, spending most of our energy trying to find new ways of anesthetizing ourselves to the fact that we’re not really very happy, fulfilled? I am scared to death of that. Actually, I’m not that scared of it, cause I’m just not willing to do it. I am always pushing my boundaries, listening to myself tell me in what areas I need to grow, then taking action in that area. For example: I didn’t like smoking. Didn’t line up with who I wanted to be. I found a way to quit. It was hard. It took time. But I did it. Its been several years now.
I quit drinking for 3 years, then for another 6 years, and now have done so again. No moral issues with drinking, just doesn’t work well for me. So I put in the energy necessary to quit.
My self concept included being an educated person. Problem was, I wasn’t enducated. So I put myself through college. Got a degree in a very competitive program to both get into and graduate from, and its one of the top accomplishments of my life. I’ve also read dozens of books and watched dozens of documentaries all in an effort to better understand this world, this universe, God, the human mind/body, nature, and lots of other aspects of life. Today, I have the education about life and the world and how things work that I wanted. It has made my experience here much richer, as my subconscious undoubtedly knew, which is why it was prompting me to learn. I’m glad I listened, and still do.
I felt like I needed to get away from Tallahassee for a while to explore myself and where I wanted to go next with my life. So actually, before going back to college and declaring a major I sold off everything, packed what was left, quit my cushy ad agency job that was very socially acceptable, but in which I was miserable, and left town for LA without a job or a place to live. I drove cross country, made my way to santa monica, found a place, found a table waiting job in Beverly Hills, and explored myself and a new area. Painful. Scary. Exhilerating. And the single best thing I’ve ever done for myself in my life. Completely freed me in many ways.
After 9 months of soul searching (and exploring LA), I went back and enrolled in college, now with purpose, direction, and perspective. The path I’d end up taking in the end wasn’t the one I came back thinking I’d take, but that’s cool too. All part of the journey.
I’ve had some old “stuff” around loving and being loved. I took a risk and loved the hell out of a girl. Really let myself go. It lasted about a year. It was some of the most painful and amazing experiences of my life. Despite it not “working out” in the end, it completely woke me up to the fact that I AM capable of really loving another person. It showed me some things about my capacity for love that really woke me up to my potential for love. Taking that risk was painful, and yet it broadened me in a way that is hard to describe, and makes my life more rich as result. I continue to find ways to grow in this area (and all others, but this one front and center on the radar).
Fitness: Actually, another positive side effect of having the courage to love that girl was that it made me want to get in shape for her. I’d struggled with insecurity over my body for, well, my whole life. No muscle tone. Some extra pounds. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. Not a vanity thing. My brain was just telling me that this isn’t who I was meant to be. I didn’t have the health and fitness that my self concept said I should have. So, though I’d never been able to get any traction in the “working out” area before, this passion for this girl gave me the motivation to hire a personal trainer to teach me how to work out , eat right, and create the kind of body and fitness level I desired. The results have been astounding. Not only do I now have the body, health, and fitness I always wanted, but its effortless. I love it. And I love helping other people get it too. Its still weird to feel the muscles twitch on my body as I make various movements. To look in the mirror and like what I see. To feel fine with being in a tank top or with my shirt off around others. All because I was willing to take a risk, push past some fear, and keep pushing.
I had to push past fears of job searching with a felony record. Facing being turned down for jobs I was over qualified for. It was hard. Sometimes I hid in my apartment, playing video games, my bank account constantly shrinking. Eventually I had to face my fears, again, and get out there. It worked. People were willing to take a chance on me. It took going through some rejection, but ultimately it was one of those rejections (and the whole process) that helped spring me into the courage to be self employed.
I had to push past people telling me “its not possible” or “you cant do that” when deciding I was going to be a real estate investor, despite having no formal education whatsoever. Since then I’ve bought well over 40 properties, and I currently have 23 rentals still. When someone tells me its not possible, the economy is too bad, you have to know someone, or anything else I just smile and remove myself from their presence, sending a silent blessing to them as I do. I just don’t believe them. (And this is something I have to deal with on a regular basis. Unfortunately, most folks don’t yet realize that this way of thinking does not serve them, but keeps them hostage to their unfulfilled life).
Recently my mind was telling me it was time for another big change. Again, though I had a very socially acceptable answer to “what do you do” I wasn’t happy with it. And I wasn’t happy with Tallahassee anymore. Like the line from “Moving On” by rascal flats, “I never thought that home was the place I didn’t feel I’d belong.” After a year of floundering, searching for some new direction, the only clear message I was getting was that I needed to move on. I wanted to create “inspiring communications” of some kind and I wanted to be in an area where I could explore different ways of doing that, and where there are lots of other young, ambitious, courageous, creative people. Like minded individuals. So, ultimately I knew I needed to come back to LA. Just like last time, I folded up shop in Tallahassee, left behind all my “titles”, and made myself a no one again in a new city of millions, all strangers to me. I came again with no job, no place to live, no specific plan, just my general agenda, some savings, and my gut instincts. A couple weeks later I sit at the kitchen table in my fully furnished place in West LA. I’ve found all I need to get started here, including some great people already. I know having the courage to come here will be as rewarding as all the other times I’ve had the courage to follow my gut, my purpose. And as I begin finding a way to support myself while I explore exactly how I want to create and disseminate my “inspiring communications”, there will be still more fears to face. And I will face them, and keep moving. Because to let them overcome me, to fall back into complacency, is death for me. A slow death at that. So, I keep pushing, and doing so in all areas of my life, following my instincts, my gut, or listening to God, however you want to describe it (its all means the same to me). And I continue to lead an ever-richer life. Which is the purpose of this life to me.
Steve Pavlina, a blogger I admire very much, wrote an article that really does a wonderful job helping to get perspective on this topic of pushinging past fears to create the life we were meant to live, and the consequences of not.. You will get a lot from it, I know I did. Check it out here: http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/courage-to-live-consciously.htm
Susan Boyle, Unemployed 47, Laughed At Initially, Brings Down The House
You have to see this. Courage to pursue one’s purpose in action. Incredible.
Walking away from a job to pursue a new, more meaningful direction is hard. Flat out. That’s the deal. With few exceptions. And whats more, its probably supposed to be. That’s part of the process. A muscle grows through friction. So do our insides it seems. We get to a place of more meaning and purpose through pushing our boundaries. At least, that is my observation so far. And I’ve got some experience with pushing through the pain of making life changes. Heck, I am living through that again now in this very moment. (though its not as painful this time I must say, having had previous experience).
When I was 27 I had managed to work my way into an Ad Agency with no degree and a felony record for possession of marijuana from back in my 18-22 year old wild n woolly days. The way I got the job was interesting itself, but I’ll save that for another post. Bottom line, I’d managed to convince some people to give me some chances at handling their marketing and they did and I did a good job on a big level and I used that experience to parlay myself some interviews with some ad agencies locally, and I landed a job. That was huge for me. I’d gone from a scraggly kid trying to “fake it to make it” out on the street hustling up little marketing/promoting jobs where I could, mostly for small potatoes and some free tickets into some clubs or shows or free food, etc.
When I got hired at a reputable ad agency in town I felt like it legitimized me. For the first time, I was making real money, and there were people (clients) paying a lot of money for my marketing direction and I was overseeing the development of some pretty hefty ad campaigns to meet the needs of these clients. I’d always known I had the skill to do this kind of thing, degree or not, I’d just always had a way with creating communications campaigns that got results. But finally, in getting hired at this agency, I had someone else other than me who was also saying I was good. And that was what I’d been looking for.
I banged along there for about a year before I started to fall apart. For one, the stress was hurting me. I started finding my eyes twitching and weird stuff like that. Then, I woke up one morning and my neck completely seized up on me. I could hardly walk. That actually happened twice. I didn’t know what the heck was going on with me. Then someone pointed out that it was probably the constant stress and immediately I knew they were right. I connected the dots with all the symptoms and they all pointed to the same thing: stress.
Additionally, I was unfulfilled by the work. Sure, I was good at it, actually could have been even better if the agency overlord didn’t let his ego keep him constantly in my way. But, that was the deal. He was the agency owner and he could do as he pleased.
Then there was the interoffice personality issues. I could sit here and tell you that ad agencies seem to attract a different breed of people, many with issues, and I’d probably be right, but I’d also have to put myself squarely in the mix. After all, I was one of those people the agency business had attracted as well. So, bottom line is, I didn’t get along well with others there. But, truth is, I never got along well with the people I worked with anywhere. LOL. Something that absolutely perplexed me, as I have always been very outgoing and personable outside work. What I eventually discovered, after one more 9-5 a few years later, is that I just dont do well in an office environment. I don’t do well be constantly exposed to the same group of people all day long. And I dont do well with a “boss”, particularly one who has a strong need to control.
Point of it all is this: I hated my job and I didn’t know what to do about it.
After all, I didn’t have a degree. I’d gotten lucky (i felt) getting in there as it was. Plus I had that felony on my record (never came up in this job) that gave me a lot of fear around going back into the job market (i’d been turned down for jobs I was overqualified for many times). I thought of going back to school, but I didnt know what I’d go back for. What would I major in? What should I do with my life? I began to really ask that question at that point.
Another thing that was contributing to my heartache in all of this was the ego pinch. For years I’d been that scraggly kid trying to appear like a legitimate entrepreneur or business guy or something. And for the past year, for the first time, I actually was a legitimate business guy. I couldn’t wait for someone to ask me “What do you do?” so I could coolly respond, “Oh, I work in Advertising”. LOL. Loved – It. Made me feel cool, legitimate, even envied.
If I were to leave that job, what would I tell people? What would be my good reason for leaving? And what would I do? Stay here in Tallahassee and get a lesser job? Then what would happen when I ran across people on a daily basis and they asked “what are you up to?” and I responded with “selling cell phones at the mall” and they said “oh, i thought you were in advertising”. How would I feel in that moment? Not very good I thought. And it was that thought that kept me in the job longer than I actually should have been, though I still pulled the trigger relatively quickly.
But, I did have to come up with some “logical answer”. I decided that A- If I were going to quit, that I didnt want to stay here in Tallahassee. I needed to get out of town for a while. Maybe part of me felt like that helped provide a socially acceptable answer. “I’m moving out of town, going to go to school out in LA, finally get my degree. UCLA has a really good Ad program”. Made sense. Was a head nodder. “um hmm, that sounds good, Chris, that will be quite an adventure”.
Truth was, I didn’t have strong intentions of studying Advertising at UCLA. I just knew I was unhappy and I wanted to get out of town, go figure things out. So, I gave notice and within a month I sold everything I had except the townhouse I’d bought, and I found a renter for it. Everything else, wave runner, furniture, big screen, everything..I sold. The rest I packed into my Monte Carlo and after a goodbye dinner with a few friends I set off to LA. No job out there, no place to live. Just a friend of a friend who said I could crash on her couch a few nights while I found an apartment. Oh, and I had $10k in savings.
What ensued would be one of the most difficult, yet liberating years of my life. The results of my decision to make that move are more profound and far reaching than words allow me to adequately describe. It was hard. I cried..a lot. I spent night after night with eyeballs on the ceiling, asking God what I was supposed to do with my life. Asking to just get a specific answer so I could get to work. And all of that is another story in and of itself. But my point here is that the process of breaking free from what I know, ignoring my dad, following my gut, pushing through the ego squashing pain of going from ad exec to table waiter in Hollywood, going from my own large 2 br townhouse to sharing a 1br with another guy in Santa Monica, the process of meeting new people, finding new places to eat, all of it was both gut wrenching and invigoratingly liberating. The process set me free.
I was so close to being sucked into a life that was not for me, just for the sake of maintaining social acceptability. But I fought back against that. I had the courage to break free. And yes there was a transition period. But the perspective I got on my life allowed for the amazing period that has followed since, and an unmeasurable amount of personal growth, happiness, and added joy.
How about you? Are you experiencing some fear around making the leap? Are you feeling like you should be headed in a different direction but have been too afraid of what others might say? Of the pain you might experience in the transition? Or do you have a similar story of pushing past the fear to go in a new direction that is more fulfilling? If so, please share you experiences here. I’d love to hear some them.
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