Quitting A Job To Pursue Your Purpose

Walking away from a job to pursue a new, more meaningful direction is hard. Flat out. That’s the deal. With few exceptions. And whats more, its probably supposed to be. That’s part of the process. A muscle grows through friction. So do our insides it seems. We get to a place of more meaning and purpose through pushing our boundaries. At least, that is my observation so far. And I’ve got some experience with pushing through the pain of making life changes. Heck, I am living through that again now in this very moment. (though its not as painful this time I must say, having had previous experience).

When I was 27 I had managed to work my way into an Ad Agency with no degree and a felony record for possession of marijuana from back in my 18-22 year old wild n woolly days. The way I got the job was interesting itself, but I’ll save that for another post. Bottom line, I’d managed to convince some people to give me some chances at handling their marketing and they did and I did a good job on a big level and I used that experience to parlay myself some interviews with some ad agencies locally, and I landed a job. That was huge for me. I’d gone from a scraggly kid trying to “fake it to make it” out on the street hustling up little marketing/promoting jobs where I could, mostly for small potatoes and some free tickets into some clubs or shows or free food, etc.

When I got hired at a reputable ad agency in town I felt like it legitimized me. For the first time, I was making real money, and there were people (clients) paying a lot of money for my marketing direction and I was overseeing the development of some pretty hefty ad campaigns to meet the needs of these clients. I’d always known I had the skill to do this kind of thing, degree or not, I’d just always had a way with creating communications campaigns that got results. But finally, in getting hired at this agency, I had someone else other than me who was also saying I was good. And that was what I’d been looking for.

I banged along there for about a year before I started to fall apart. For one, the stress was hurting me. I started finding my eyes twitching and weird stuff like that. Then, I woke up one morning and my neck completely seized up on me. I could hardly walk. That actually happened twice. I didn’t know what the heck was going on with me. Then someone pointed out that it was probably the constant stress and immediately I knew they were right. I connected the dots with all the symptoms and they all pointed to the same thing: stress.

Additionally, I was unfulfilled by the work. Sure, I was good at it, actually could have been even better if the agency overlord didn’t let his ego keep him constantly in my way. But, that was the deal. He was the agency owner and he could do as he pleased.

Then there was the interoffice personality issues.  I could sit here and tell you that ad agencies seem to attract a different breed of people, many with issues, and I’d probably be right, but I’d also have to put myself squarely in the mix. After all, I was one of those people the agency business had attracted as well. So, bottom line is, I didn’t get along well with others there. But, truth is, I never got along well with the people I worked with anywhere. LOL. Something that absolutely perplexed me, as I have always been very outgoing and personable outside work. What I eventually discovered, after one more 9-5 a few years later, is that I just dont do well in an office environment. I don’t do well be constantly exposed to the same group of people all day long. And I dont do well with a “boss”, particularly one who has a strong need to control.

Point of it all is this: I hated my job and I didn’t know what to do about it.

After all, I didn’t have a degree. I’d gotten lucky (i felt) getting in there as it was. Plus I had that felony on my record (never came up in this job) that gave me a lot of fear around going back into the job market (i’d been turned down for jobs I was overqualified for many times). I thought of going back to school, but I didnt know what I’d go back for. What would I major in? What should I do with my life? I began to really ask that question at that point.

Another thing that was contributing to my heartache in all of this was the ego pinch. For years I’d been that scraggly kid trying to appear like a legitimate entrepreneur or business guy or something. And for the past year, for the first time, I actually was a legitimate business guy.  I couldn’t wait for someone to ask me “What do you do?” so I could coolly respond, “Oh, I work in Advertising”. LOL.   Loved – It. Made me feel cool, legitimate, even envied.

If I were to leave that job, what would I tell people? What would be my good reason for leaving? And what would I do? Stay here in Tallahassee and get a lesser job? Then what would happen when I ran across people on a daily basis and they asked “what are you up to?” and I responded with “selling cell phones at the mall” and they said “oh, i thought you were in advertising”. How would I feel in that moment? Not very good I thought. And it was that thought that kept me in the job longer than I actually should have been, though I still pulled the trigger relatively quickly.

But, I did have to come up with some “logical answer”. I decided that A- If I were going to quit, that I didnt want to stay here in Tallahassee. I needed to get out of town for a while. Maybe part of me felt like that helped provide a socially acceptable answer. “I’m moving out of town, going to go to school out in LA, finally get my degree. UCLA has a really good Ad program”. Made sense. Was a head nodder. “um hmm, that sounds good, Chris, that will be quite an adventure”.

Truth was, I didn’t have strong intentions of studying Advertising at UCLA. I just knew I was unhappy and I wanted to get out of town, go figure things out. So, I gave notice and within a month I sold everything I had except the townhouse I’d bought, and I found a renter for it. Everything else, wave runner, furniture, big screen, everything..I sold. The rest I packed into my Monte Carlo and after a goodbye dinner with a few friends I set off to LA. No job out there, no place to live. Just a friend of a friend who said I could crash on her couch a few nights while I found an apartment. Oh, and I had $10k in savings.

What ensued would be one of the most difficult, yet liberating years of my life. The results of my decision to make that move are more profound and far reaching than words allow me to adequately describe. It was hard. I cried..a lot. I spent night after night with eyeballs on the ceiling, asking God what I was supposed to do with my life. Asking to just get a specific answer so I could get to work. And all of that is another story in and of itself. But my point here is that the process of breaking free from what I know, ignoring my dad, following my gut, pushing through the ego squashing pain of going from ad exec to table waiter in Hollywood, going from my own large 2 br townhouse to sharing a 1br with another guy in Santa Monica, the process of meeting new people, finding new places to eat, all of it was both gut wrenching and invigoratingly liberating. The process set me free.

I was so close to being sucked into a life that was not for me, just for the sake of maintaining social acceptability. But I fought back against that. I had the courage to break free. And yes there was a transition period. But the perspective I got on my life allowed for the amazing period that has followed since, and an unmeasurable amount of personal growth, happiness, and added joy.

How about you? Are you experiencing some fear around making the leap? Are you feeling like you should be headed in a different direction but have been too afraid of what others might say? Of the pain you might experience in the transition? Or do you have a similar story of pushing past the fear to go in a new direction that is more fulfilling? If so, please share you experiences here. I’d love to hear some them.

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